Ode to Lucas

Dear George,

I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving us the Star Wars Trilogy, and along with it all the novels, games, action figures, and toys that have brought us endless hours of entertainment.

That being said I'd like to have a word with you about these "Prequels." Like most star wars geeks I stood outside theaters for hours before the tickets went on sale just to be assured my seat, and waited in line with countless other fans, for what would be a momentous occasion in our lives.

For the past few years however, I've been trying to reconcile my love for Star Wars and the "Prequels."

I think I have a solution. In the late 90's you released the Star Wars Trilogy Special Edition. I think given the current CGI technology that it would be possible to release the Prequel Special Edition in a couple more years. I know that your die-hard fan base would be most appreciative.

If you decide to do this, and thousands of fans are hoping you will, please keep the following things in mind...

1. Genocide should never be considered an "acceptable alternative" to a species...*ahem* Gungans

2. One of the main characters should not be a cradle robbing pedophile...Padme

3. Hayden Christensen + wet paper bag = wet trapped Hayden Christensen

4. Dialog that competes with Limburger for odor and cheese status should not be included..." We will have to settle this with light sabers." Seriously? Just shut up and fight.

5. Don't immediately kill off the good characters ie. Darth Maul , Qui Gon Jinn

6. Our beloved little green Jedi Master with a limp and cane should at no point turn into a Mexican jumping bean with a glow stick.

7. There are enough vocal effects processors on the market that aliens need not sound like nasal Asians.

8. Symbiotic beings in the blood that enable one to use the Force...That's the best you got?

9. Virgin birth...been there done that, billions of t-shirts have already been printed.

10. H+O2=H2O; Hayden Christensen + Natalie Portman = no chemistry

These are a few of the things to keep in mind when making the Prequel Special Editions. I'm sure if you look close enough you will be able to find a few more. Maybe you could even do something unheard of and ask the Fans.

Sincerely,

Havok

P.S. When it comes to Indiana Jones leave the aliens in Star Wars, and the only thing that is coming out of a refrigerator after a nuclear explosion is goo.

Facebook: The Harbinger of Stupidity

Ok first off let me say that I use Facebook on a regular basis, and have put up with its constant layout change without complaint, but I can't be silent anymore.  

I now open up my facebook account and instead of it saying, "What are you doing now?" (Which was a stupid question because the answer was always, "I'm surfing Facebook dumbass. What the fuck else would I be doing on this site?!?) It now says, "What's on your mind?" For most people this seems to be an invitation for someone to "insert here" their political or relegious beliefs, which is really just a regurgitation of some shit they heard from their pastor or favorite biased political commentator. For other people it's an invitation to "insert here" your passave agressive feelings of inadequecy, depression, or angst. 

Thank you Facebook for asking everyone what's on their mind. (You really should have to take an IQ test before you can answer that question.) So, when facebook now asks, "What's on your mind?" Please tell us what you're up to or type something amusing, and if someone hurt you, and you want to make a passive agressive statement about them or to them without actually telling that person anything...don't. PICK UP A FUCKING PHONE AND HAVE A CONVERSATION!

Another problem I have with the new Facebook are the "fan pages" I can understand the fan pages for certain things. A fan page for a celebrity, band, TV show (even though there is a place for this in your profile), something with entertainment value. I've always understood that these are things you can be a fan of and would want to show your support for. I'd even understand if you wanted to support a brand name like Pepsi or Coke (not like they need any more advertisement); it's a streach but I'll give you that one. 

However, when it comes to being a fan of inanimate objects or insignificant physical or mental activities that you only do with your insignificant other or by yourself. I don't give a shit and these fan pages shouldn't even be allowed. 

I have one friend (friendship currently under review) who is a fan of cuddling. Like I fucking care "Spoon This Bitch." The only thing that you're doing is giving your Facebook stalker more ammunition. Do you really want that creepy guy who's been eyeing you from afar coming up to you with that serial killer gleam in his eye saying, "I like cuddling too." No, I don't think you do, so please keep that shit to yourself, or if you realy have to tell people please type it up in a note and title it "Shit you could care less about" so when I see it in my news feed I can just ignore it.  

Also, can you believe I "had" another friend that was a fan of bubble wrap. (I deleted her on pure principle) FUCKING BUBBLE WRAP! Gee, can I be a fan of styrophoam peanuts, or maybe just random packing materials? I don't think those bags of air have enough fans these days. 

This shit has gone to far people. Like most people, I know that Facebook can be addictive but let's show some fucking restraint. The only thing you're contributing to is you're own unpopularity, and no one will breed with you if they think you're stupid. 

I believe in what I can see...

Ask me if I believe in God or a higher power and I'll tell you I don't know. I haven't seen any miracles, no one has risen from the dead in a while. If someone did they'd probably be killed immediately. People are more likely these days to believe in zombies, as apposed to a messenger or Son of God.

Let's face it if someone came up to you off the street saying they were a Prophet or the Son of God your first instinct would be to call the police because someone has escaped the local psychiatric facility and you just found them.

I don't have anything against people that believe in God or a higher power, but I lost my faith a long time ago. Around the same time I stopped believing in Santa Claus. The similarities were pretty obvious to a 10 year old. Old guy rewards you if you've been good, punishes you when you've been bad. I couldn't bring myself to dismiss one and not the other.

Now before someone starts in on the, "If you don't believe in something, you'll fall for anything" crap. Let me tell you what I do believe in, and that's Human Grace. This is something I can see with my own eyes.

Every once in a while when you look past the wars, crime, and savagery of the world you'll find a moment where a person will do something altruistic that will show you that Hope does still exist in the world. A moment when giving up just doesn't seem like a good idea anymore.

Now it doesn't often seem particularly obvious when it happens. In fact if you blink you might miss it, and if you don't look for it you'll never see it. You have to look past the next big reality TV show, or Drama, and maybe even outside the universe that is constantly revolving around you and me.

After all if anyone isn't perfect it's "this guy," but I'm trying to be better, and don't have all the answers. I never will, but if you're paying attention like me, we might learn more then most.

Like I said before I don't know if God exists or not, but I don't see Him making our world a better place I see us doing it.


Some places that I've found Hope for our world...
www.feedprojects.org
www.lnt.org
www.facebook.com/facebookforgood
http://blog.charitynavigator.org/

Please don't post any religious comments to this blog. I'll just delete them. I'm not trying to push my beliefs on you, don't try to save me.